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Rebellion is often considered to be a negative thing in society, and more specifically the Christian church. People who do not follow a specific set of rules dictated by religion are most often put to shame, told what to do instead, and cast aside until he or she is ready to follow the rules. We pray for these people with judgment in our hearts, asking God to bring them back to the light, feeling good about ourselves that we have not succumbed to such rebellion, all without realizing that it may have been our own judgment that gave way for the need for the person to turn away in the first place. We respond with fear which inspires the need to control. Control births the need to break free; which is exactly what this so called “rebel” is likely trying to do. Sin scares us, so we believe the only way to deal with it is to control it. But the thing is, this is not how the Lord has chosen to deal with our sin. It doesn’t shock Him, and it doesn’t freak Him out. He is not beating His head against a wall going “OH IF I HAD ONLY SEEN THIS COMING! I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” He is well aware of our brokenness; more aware than we ever are. The difference is that He does not define us by the broken things, and His desire is not to control us. This idea is often strange to non-believers because most of what they have heard about Christianity involves rules. The “shall” and “shall nots” have unfortunately become the benchmark for what makes you a Christian. You have to be this tall to board the Jesus train.

But what if the “rebels” are on to something?

A lot of times our functional and dysfunctional behaviors come out of our deepest needs, needs we were created for. The need for love, belonging, security, significance, are at the core of our being, and often times we are taught that it is “selfish” to want these things. An example would be that religion often puts the need for significance under the category of “pride,” therefore making it sinful and even scary. So we have people in the church who feel guilty for needing to feel significant, and so they “rebel” by finding significance in sex, relationships, academics, etc. What we label as rebellion is actually an acting out of some of the deepest core needs of our hearts. Essentially, religion teaches that it is bad to need these things and then punishes for the ways in which some chose to go after them. By neglecting these needs the doors are wide open for dysfunction because we were created to desire love, significance, belonging, security, etc. Religion tells you what you need to do to get these things. Jesus says it is done. God wants to love on us. He wants us to feel safe and secure. He created us to be significant; it is in our nature, we could not be insignificant if we tried. He created us to belong to Him. The rebels are just going after what they know they need – they just don’t know the healthy and safe way to get it. Often because no one has told them. More often because no one has shown them.

At Bethel I am always amazed at how often I am reminded of how important I am. The first year of the ministry school at Bethel is geared towards forming and calling out the identity that we have inherited through Jesus. This concept actually totally offended me at first. My religious heart told me that the more I felt I was important, the more I would become arrogant and forget that I needed God. But Eric Johnson, one of the Bethel pastors, put it so well when he said “Confidence is aimed at what you can give. Arrogance is going after what you can get.” They want to (and ultimately, God wants to) bring you back to what you were originally created to do; love. And when you start walking in the identity which us surrounded and encompassed in the love of the Father, you cannot help but know all the ways in which you were beautifully created, core needs and all And when this happens, the dysfunctional need to take from others in order to lift yourself up, or to just survive, dissipates. This is not to oversimplify the process, because it is not easy, but the things in life that have the most value never are.

One thing of which I am certain is that no one is ever transformed by rules. I was reading a very good book recently which had the quote “Nothing is more dangerous than the will of the oppressed.” When we feel oppressed or controlled, we will rebel because God never designed us to live in oppression or control, only love and freedom. This rebellion is actually the cry of our souls saying “I need something more!” And you do. And so do I. God does not want out lives dictated by a set of rules, but wants them dictated by His love. Love commands a life of obedience, it never demands (credit give to my housemates Ryan for that quote ).

And Bill Johnson said it well in one of his sermons: “God loves to reward us, and you cannot have reward without options.”

He just want your choice to be Him. From there, it is a ka-ray-zee ride.

I hope God’s love makes you blush. Love, Cindy

One of the things that amazes me about God is His tendency to show up in just about anything. This could be just my own perception, but I sort of doubt it. God meant for His Kingdom to be our Kingdom, so it makes sense to me that we would see it even in places that have “nothing” to do with God.

This was made so apparent to me while watching “The Lion King” the other night with my roommates. I used to love this movie when I was a child. My little brother and I even made up a little play to go to the soundtrack to it It encompasses some of my favorite memories as a young girl. But watching it as an adult takes on a different meaning. As a child I enjoyed it for many reasons; the humor, the characters, the music, and overall, the story of a little lion who grows up to be a king despite the obstacles placed before him. I mean, in it’s simplest form it is a kid’s movie and it’s entertaining partly because it has an overweight pig who is insecure about his flatulents and another sidekick named Timon who, despite his small size, holds a lot of personality and sarcastic wit. But to see it again with new lenses helps me to see what childhood innocence previously concealed.

The movie depicts well what it looks like to encounter wounds as a child that later disable our experiences as an adult. The most powerful example of this is the scene where Scar kills his brother Mufasa. After coercing Simba into the gorge, which he does by promising him a “big surprise,” he literally puts Simba in mortal danger by sending a stampede of wildebeests to trample him. He then finds Mufasa to save Simba and actually ends up killing after Simba is safe. What is really interesting is the interaction that takes place after Mufasa dies. Scar comes to Simba as he is alone, vulnerable, and incredibly wounded by the death of his father, and the following exchange takes place;

“Simba, what have you done?”

And this is what the enemy of our souls does; after he creates a mess he causes us to look at ourselves to see how it was our fault. He puts shame on us to deflect us from the real criminal; himself.

Simba, in his innocence tries to defend himself saying:

“It was an accident. I didn’t mean for it to happen!”  There is a part of Simba that knows it wasn’t his fault. He knows he did not want his father to die, and in his confusion, Scar again places shame on him; making him guilty for something he in reality had no control over. Scar pretends to empathize with him, saying;

“Of course, of course you didn’t. No one ever “means” for these things to happen. But the king is dead, and if it weren’t for you, he would still be alive.”

He goes even further in his manipulation by pointing out how others that Simba loves will blame him, asking “What will your mother think?”

In desperation, Simba asks Scar what he should do, and Scar responds by saying;”Run. Run away Simba. Run away and never return.”

In shear terror, Simba obeys. He obeys because he believes Scar when he says it is Simba’s fault. He obeys because he believes he will no longer be loved because of his mistake. He obeys because he believes the only way he can survive his shame is to run. Scar not only lies to Simba and sends him away from the ones who would really fight for him, but he also strips him of his inherited identity. By running away from his kingdom, (and by the way, let’s not forget that it was actually Scars’ intention to have Simba killed) he is literally dethroning himself and giving it over to the real enemy. Scar found him in a moment of his deepest wounding, lied to him, put shame on him, stole his identity, and told him the only way to escape his shame was by isolating himself.

Think back to the deepest moments of wounding in your life; what did the enemy tell you?

The good news is that the story does not end there, and nor does ours. Simba does run, but finds companionship, though misdirected in their own ways of coping, in Timon and Pumba. They serve as a community for him when he feels alone, but staying with them also allows him to avoid his pain. Sometimes we immerse ourselves in relationships with unhealthy (or even healthy) people to avoid our pain. It happens. And it’s not all bad. Sometimes we genuinely do need to peace out from out pain because we may not be ready to go there. But we cannot stay there. And neither could Simba, because he was avoiding his destiny. When his childhood friend Nala finds him we again see Scar’s lies creeping up as Simba refuses to tell Nala why he won’t go back to his Kingdom, Pride Rock. Simba runs from her again, and we find him alone, grieving over the loss of his father but blaming himself for it. But Mufasa appears to Simba in this moment (by the way, Simba arrives at this place because of a baboon named Rafiki; remind you of anyone. . . like maybe the Holy Spirit?) and the following dialogue takes place:

Mufasa: “Simba.”

Simba: “Father?”

Mufasa: “Simba, you have forgotten me.”

Simba: “No, no I haven’t!”

Mufasa: “You have forgotten who you are and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life.”

Simba: “How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be!”

Mufasa: “Remember who you are. You are my son. And the one true king.”

“Remember.”

This is what the Father does. He calls us back to our destiny by reminding us that we are His. We have forgotten who we are. We have let the lies of the enemy be our identity instead of taking up our throne. We were meant to be kings and queens of the greatest kingdom, but we believe that we are homeless beggars undeserving of an identity. What Scar told Simba was never true. Simba was afraid to go back to a kingdom that would reject him, but that was never the reality. Simba’s greatest fear revolved around a lie. And his father called him back to his destiny; reminding of the true nature of his identity: his son.

Are we so scared to believe God loves us because we have forgotten who we are? Are the lies we may be believing keeping us from our destiny? Mufasa does not put shame on Simba, he only calls out the truth. And the truth lead Simba back to his kingdom to defeat Scar and take back what is rightfully his.

Take back what is yours. Because you were the joy set before him. Remember who you are.

love, Cindy

In case you need a visual, this is the link to the scene with Mufasa appearing to Simba:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdBV7LTd07g

Being a part of the culture in Redding so far has been interesting to say the least.  A lot of this is in relation to Bethel, all of it in relation to God. I have had some really crazy awesome experiences here, and I love anticipating that there will be more! There is definitely something unique here, in more ways than I would be able to adequately explain to you. I love praying with authority; as if I truly believe my prayers are being heard by God and that something WILL happen when the Lord hears me. This concept is still super new to me, and so I asked to a Bethel pastor to help me understand why people here do not seem beg or plead for the Lord’s healing, they just declare it, believing in what the Lord can do (see Luke 7:1-10). Her response when I said this was “Because we are not beggars, we are kings and queens of the highest line.” When we beg for the Lord’s healing, we are assuming that we have more mercy and compassion than He does. He is the author of healing; it was not our idea. It was not my idea There is an atmosphere of faith here that is unlike anything I have ever seen. It is great to believe that the Lord is good. I am receiving more faith and I am sure it is setting me up for what I will encounter in the future, both good and bad. My heart is being moved, ad I can tell because it is not uncommon for me to walk out of a church service weeping. I feel like God is breaking things off of me all the time, showing me more of who He is; which as it turns out is totally different from what I have expected Him to be. Every time I encounter Him I experience both joy and grief. It’s weird because I am incredibly and indescribably joyful but at the same time I am grieving something, usually that I have not known Him this way before. It’s strange and beautiful how often these things intersect. He is undoing things in me, but never without replacing it with something greater, something true, something that is Him.

The moral of the story is that everything I am encountering here has everything to do with Jesus. The church and its’ leadership happens to be a vessel the Lord has poured out His favor upon. Well, I actually do not believe it is just happenstance that Bethel cultivates such encounters with the Lord. The church leaders prayed for revival, divine manifestations, signs and wonders, and heavenly encounters for years and years. When Bill Johnson became the senior pastor in 1996, there was a mass exodus of 1,000 congregants because people did not know what to do with people falling on the floor with laughter, getting slain in the spirit, and their bodies shaking in their seats. There is always a sacrifice that accompanies diving into the heart of God because we have to give up part of ourselves, so what is taking place now and even 15 years ago is standing on the shoulders of people who have gone after it for a long time. And it is by no means done perfectly. I have heard more good than bad about Bethel, but I have also encountered people that have been wounded by the church and have had some legitimate concerns about some of the not perfect things it has done. Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, and Danny Silk (two other men in leadership) would be the first ones to tell you this, actually. It is still a church lead and populated by human beings, which means there are messes to clean up.  That will always be a reality, it just does not need to determine whether or not we may to go after the heart of God. They are not under any delusion that the church is what brings healing to people or that they themselves can bring healing. It always has been and always will be Jesus. Nor do they assume or proclaim that if a person is not healed it is because that person is lacking faith. Some healing movements will say this, perhaps with well-meaning hearts, but it just ends up being just as damaging as the affliction because it throws shame and guilt in someone’s face, neither of which are birthed in the Kingdom of Heaven. I believe faith does carry a far greater impact than we know, but God can and does heal when faith is not present. He does not leave someone afflicted for the sake of punishment. Furthermore, we are not punished for sin by becoming afflicted. Jesus spoke to this directly in John 9:1-7. The punishment was taken at the Cross, ya’ll. The reality is that we cannot know why not everyone is healed; though Lord knows I wish I could offer an answer for the sake of my own heart as well as yours. What I do know is that we have all been promised healing by the Cross of Jesus if we do not receive it here, and I will not let the lack of healing I see determine the amount of faith I have in God to bring more healing.

I am not ashamed to say that love seeing the amazing things He does. Like sending gold dust to manifest in the middle of a church service. Yes, you read that correctly. Gold dust appeared in church 3 weeks ago as the congregation was praying for healing, and this is not the first time this has happened. Myself and all my housemates saw it. You could see it if you went on the internet actually (go to Youtube and type in “Glory Cloud at Bethel Church”). We also saw feathers fall from nowhere. It was crazy and exciting. I could not believe my eyes, even when I left after 3 hours of standing in the sanctuary and watching gold dust float in the air. It was even on my hands! Why would God do this? I really do not know, but I think it’s because He is just that good.

Be ridiculously blessed!

Cindy

The message for this post is not as clear to me as the rest of them have been. The other posts I have written have had an agenda or just something exciting that happened to me that I felt needed to be shared. While I could tell you a story, right now I feel like it’s more important to tell you how my heart has been changed by God.

It seems like when we grow up in church we often hear a lot about things we can “do” for God to make Him more of the center of our lives. I have heard numerous sermons by various pastors preaching about how we can get closer to God. The goal is usually to make Him the center and everything else secondary. What usually follows is a “how to” list consisting of three main things; prayer, Bible reading, and becoming more involved in church. I feel like this is the part where I have offended someone, because it may seem as though I am implying that these things are not important and that God does not care about them. Trust me when I say that is not what I believe, nor is it the point. The point is while churches often offer these things up as vessels through which we can get to know God better, it can end up becoming a list of ways to make God love us more. For as much as Christians talk about how His grace is sufficient and His love is given freely, there seems to be a lack of experiencing this in daily life. I think what makes this even harder is that it is so subtle and kept so secret. Christians are well-trained at keeping their baggage hidden from plain view, so it ends up coming out in very spiritual, Christianized language. Think of how many times you have heard someone (or maybe you) say some derivative of:

“I have been feeling a little depressed, but you know, I just need get into the Word more and spend more time in devotions with God if I want to feel better.”

I know this because I have said in my heart if not out loud many times. The issues with this belief are numerous, and it honestly breaks my heart and sets a little fire under my butt as my soul cries for justice. First of all, in saying this I deny the importance of my feelings. When I tell people I have been feeling “a little depressed” it is usually because I am feeling really really depressed but I don’t want my feelings to burden or overwhelm you, so I minimize them. And I further minimize by assuming that if I spend “more time” (by the way, how much time is enough?) with God then I will feel better. We don’t often assume though, that feelings like this can arise because there is something that needs to be grieved. You may need more time than one prayer moment with God before you let go of what you are feeling. The other issue here is that there is a great deal of shame involved in a statement such as this. The assumption is that I should never feel depressed and to feel this way means that I have not spent enough time with the Lord, and so this is my punishment. Ipso facto, the way for me to earn back favor with God is to read the Bible and pray.

And this is how in the past I have developed solutions for life’s problems. I have prayed and read my Bible and checked God off my list. And did it help me feel better? Yes, actually it did. But only because I felt by doing so I had earned God’s love back for the day and now that I prayed enough He loves me and this helps me feel better about myself. I felt guilty for feeling depressed and then I felt better for making God like me again. I just turned my hurt feelings into a way to simultaneously punish myself and strive for God’s love. Basically, my punishment for feeling depressed was to spend time with the Lord. Weird how even now it can be hard for me to look forward to prayer time. Thankfully, this is changing

This is not to say that God has not spoken to me in those times. In fact, I am sure He was happy to be with me, except that I did not really go there to be with Him because I did not believe it was possible. I was too consumed with feeling unworthy and trying to get rid of my bad feelings that I missed out on a lot of what He had to say. It’s weird, because it’s sort of a reverse self-absorption. Even though I am engaging in self-hatred, my sight is completely misdirected because in doing so I am placing the focus entirely on me and ignoring what God has for me. I actually end up engaging in the very thing I feel guilty about.

Feeling unworthy can sometimes cause us to look for rules to follow to make us feel more worthy. This is where religion can come in, at least it did and still does for me. If I believe the only way to access God was to read scripture, go to church, and read the Bible, then I have placed God in a box which limits His work in me. My relationship with Him is then set on my terms, not His. But again, I thought to actually hear from Him was something that just needed to wait for until I got to Heaven because I am not worthy of it while I am on Earth.

Side note: Does our worthiness increase when we get to Heaven? Do we have less access to His love while we are on Earth even once we accept Jesus?

I bet now you’re wondering if I am going to tell you what we should do then, to know God more. Sorry, I refuse to give a list But what’s interesting is that we are all actually wanting the same thing, but a lot of times we are too afraid to ask. I am here to tell you that it is okay to ask the Lord to speak to you. It is okay to want to see Him face to face. It is okay to want angelic visitations and miraculous encounters. We need not be ashamed of wanting what the Lord designed for us to have from the beginning! He actually does want to encounter you because He thinks you are just that awesome I do not, nor will you “feel” Him all the time. But this is actually not about “feelings” as it is about a love encounter. This is a difference, though I have not the slightest clue of how to explain it. (Eph. 1: 3-9)

God does want to meet you in your moments of depression, hurt, anxiety, etc. He may not relieve your symptoms, but His peace is freely given. If you want a peace that surpasses all understanding, you have to give up the right understand.

I hope God embarrasses you with His blessing. Cindy

This is a post I have been wanting to write for a while. I have delayed it because the experience I will describe is so special and personal to me that I was debating whether or not to post it, while at the same time I wanted to use a megaphone to let everyone know how great is my God!

I mentioned in one of my previous posts that Bethel has “Healing Rooms,” which is a ministry focused on praying for people for physical healing. This can be physical healing of any kind. They will pray for everything from broken fingers and allergies to arthritis and cancer. There is no cutoff for what Jesus will heal; you don’t have to be this tall to ride the healing train, folks. This is a reality I have struggled with, actually. In my heart I get offended that someone would seek prayer for healing for food allergies when there are people that are dying from terminal diseases. The point though, is that there is NO disease in the Kingdom of Heaven. Heaven is not just free of cancer and diabetes – the Kingdom has no tolerance for illness of any sort, and since Bethel goes after bringing the Kingdom “on Earth as it is in Heaven,” there is no hierarchy for healing, because God’s plan from the beginning was for there to be nothing but Eden.

The people that pray over those seeking healing are called “prayer servants,” and they are all trained by Bethel. There are usually groups of two three prayer servants, partly because they often need someone to “catch” people in case they fall over (not because they get hit in the head, like you may have seen on TBN, but because people can sometimes get slain in the Spirit; more on this soon). People come from all over the world to come to the healing rooms, which is part of what has made Bethel well-known. Not everyone receives healing, but what is so great is that even when it doesn’t happen, the prayer servants do not stop going after healing! They let the people leave with hope; even if the healing has not come now, it still could and will because God’s desire is always for healing. The reality is that Jesus died to save the world and so we are guaranteed healing if not on this earth than in Heaven. Side note: this is also an idea that has offended my heart, but I do believe it and I am working on it in my heart.

Okay, so I think I have given you enough disclaimers about the healing rooms without having told you anything about my experience I went to the healing rooms because I wanted someone to pray for my mom. My mom has had significant back pain for the past two years which has been debilitating and difficult, to put it mildly. You can stand in for other people for healing, so I was really excited to go to see if my mom would receive it. I went for my mom, but the Holy Spirit had a plan for me as well. I waited for a bit before two prayer servants picked me out and said it was my turn. I honestly did not know what to expect, because this was the environment; a worship team singing over everyone in the room, people rolling on the floor laughing, weird people laying on the floor face down, people quietly praying in a corner, and people yelling prayers at the top of their lungs. It could be potentially scary if you have never witnessed it before, but at this point I am sort of used to it, so it’s kind of fun to watch. There is nothing dangerous about anything that is going on, oddly enough there is a strong sense of peace in this place. All of these things which are so out of the ordinary become, in their own way, totally normal.

When the prayer servants approached me, the strongest feeling I had was anticipation! I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I was so excited to see what God was going to do. The prayer servants names were Tommy and Marjo, and I liked them immediately because they both had a very calm authority and kindness about them. I explained to them my mom’s story and after learning about her, Tommy asked me if I was sensitive to the Holy Spirit. My response was “I think so, sort of.” Tommy said, “I knew this about you – would you like to be more sensitive to Him?” I said, “Yes!” I was totally ready for more of the Spirit of God!

They prayed for my mom first, laying hands on my back where I know her back hurts. They prayed for full restoration and healing, commanding the pain to leave her. I love the way they prayed; like they really believed she would be healed (weird, right?)! I just stood there and received the prayer, listening to their words, so appreciative of their faith and boldness. After they prayed for my mom they began praying for me, which I thought was just really nice. They laid hands on me and began an impartation prayer, which means they ask God to impart upon me the gifts He has given them, such as discernment of the Holy Spirit. Tommy asked me to ask the Holy Spirit was He wanted to give me. It was at this point that I began to feel lightheaded. Not so much that I thought it was weird, but enough that I could definitely feel it. Tommy asked me what the Spirit told me, and I was confused because I heard nothing, only sensed feeling lightheaded. Almost as though Tommy was reading my thoughts, he said “It can be a sense.” I told him I felt lightheaded, and he said”It’s freedom!” and he prayed for more. He then prayed for fire of the Holy Spirit to fill me. I immediately felt weightless, almost like I was floating. Internally, I felt an incredible sense of peace, and I was so sure it was the Holy Spirit. Marjo prayed for more fire, and as the weightlessness began to overwhelm me, I actually started to fall backwards, losing any control of standing up. If Marjo were not standing behind me to catch me, I honestly would have fallen over.  All I remember thinking was, “I cannot believe this is happening TO ME!” There is no proper language to explain the peace I felt, the absolute certainty that what was happening to me had nothing to do with me, Tommy, or Marjo. It was God. Once I could get to my feet I began laughing hysterically out loud! Not because anything was funny, but because I was filled with the joy of the Lord, which Marjo had been speaking over me since they began praying! After I finally stopped laughing, I had to lay on the floor for 20 minutes. I was one of the weird people laying on the floor I was totally consumed in the glory of the Lord while lying on the floor that I swear it would have taken three people to pick me up. I was covered, blanketed in His presence.

My mom has actually been doing better since I went to the healing rooms! It was an encounter I would not trade for anything. For the first time in my life, I could physically feel the Holy Spirit. I thought I was only supposed to go for my mom, but He had a gift for me waiting as well. I felt so special, so loved, so taken care of. I never believed the Lord had such an encounter for me because I never thought I was worthy. In praying for healing for my mom I received healing for my heart. He took the time to love on me in a moment I thought was reserved for someone else.  I spent the next three days just soaking in my experience with Him, and I believe it is only the beginning of what He has to show me here. He is so good.

P.S. While I was there a woman testified that after being prayed for she felt no pain in her joints after having struggled with rheumatoid arthritis for 15 years. Bethel always asks people to have their healing verified by a doctor before testifying complete healing, but it is so awesome to hear a woman saying she had ZERO pain after 15 years of constant pain.

So this is my story, take it or leave it. God loves you either way.

Love joyously. Cindy

One of the things I was most looking forward to about living in Redding was the group of people I was going to do life with. I mentioned them in my first post, but to have any sort of appreciation for my Redding life you really need to know more about the people I live with. So, let me introduce you to the Ohio House:

Michael: As I write this my housemate Michael is furiously strumming on his guitar and singing, “I’ll Fly Away.” Michael is a musician, a worship leader, and a servant. He graduated from Ashland University last May but is originally from Virginia, which is evidenced by the accent he carries with him wherever he goes. Right now he is an insurance salesman and is co-leading worship at a local church. But the important thing to know about Michael is that he is a man who knows what it means to carry the joy of the Lord. He has a humorous, childlike, yet brave heart which helps him connect easily to people. He frequently ends most of his sentences with the phrase “Thank you Lord,” and is never afraid to tell anyone how awesome they are. He would make you laugh, and not necessarily intentionally He is totally awesome.

Tim: He and his wife came here to do Bethel’s School of Supernatural Ministry (incidentally, I moved out here for the the same thing, but due to lack of finances I will have to wait until next year). He is a pastor at a church in Mt. Vernon, Ohio, but he was granted a sabbatical to be here for about a year to do ministry school. Tim is a courageous man with a heart that chases after the Father. He is also intensely contemplative, wise, and compassionate. He and the Leo the Pug frequently have mini-fights, but we are all aware that Tim secretly loves Leo That is Tim, and he is totally awesome.

Brit (Brittany): Brit is married to Tim and also came out here to do ministry school. Brit is funny, sweet, intelligent, unconditionally kind, and carries a braveness that I sometimes envy She also has an amazing singing voice and rocks hairstyles that most people would shy away from because she is just that awesome. She is beautiful. I mean, like totally beautiful. But her outer beauty is nothing compared to the beauty she carries in her spirit. She is totally awesome.

Ryan: He is an ordained Anglican deacon and until recently worked in hospice. He is best friends with Tim from their shared time both in college and seminary. The two of them actually came out to Redding in May to visit Bethel Church and had some crazy awesome experiences that inspired them to move here. Ryan has incredible strength, integrity, and a spirit that carries an access to God that is awesome to witness. He is also contemplative and intellectual, but easily approachable. He is totally awesome.

Em: Ok, so you know by now that Em is one of my best friends and has had a significant impact on my life. She is from Mt. Vernon originally (which is how she got to know Tim & Brit) but has lived pretty much every place you can imagine. She is also a professional counselor, but for free she is also a pastor and a mentor Em loves with abandon and is always interested in celebrating people. If you met her you would never forget her She is totally awesome.

Leo: This  list would be totally incomplete without mentioning Leo (whose formal name is Leonardo de Pug). He is obnoxious, playful, and sometimes a huge diva, but I love him for it! He brings a peace to places that need it, and he seems to know when you need to have a friend near you. Mostly though, he lays around. He just needs his rest He is totally awesome.

Ok, so this is my house! What is so awesome is that we all carry our own significant gifts and it makes for a really dynamic group. Last night was one of my favorite nights in our Ohio House. A friend of ours came over and Brit decided it would be good to pray over her. But when we pray, we don’t just pray – we make declarations for what the Lord wants! We believe the Lord wants good for His children and loves to love on them, so we spent our time calling out the things in her that are beautiful and letting her know that she is loved. A few of us prophesied and sang over her, and the room was thick with the presence of the Holy Spirit. It was so good! Ryan went in with his boldness, Brit covered her with sweetness and joy, Tim went after healing, Michael sang over her, Em provided some brave and graceful words of encouragement, and I made room for the Lord to fill her with love. Oh, and not to be left out, Leo put in his two cents with his snoring. We each bring our own stories, gifts, personalities, and personal relationships with the Lord which makes it so great to be living in community. Jesus meant for us to do life in relationship. We are built that way! So I am so blessed to live with such a crew.

We give Ohio a good name.  We’re trying to do what professional sports in Ohio cannot. Baaazzzing!!!!! Seriously though, it is depressing to be a fan of any sports team in Ohio. Can you blame me for moving to California?

Love hilariously. Cindy

There are so many things I could say about what attracted me to Redding. I never grew up with mountains or majestic lakes, so to see them on my daily drive to work is a gift. I have never lived anywhere other than Ohio. That is not to say there is anything wrong with Ohio; I actually love it. But I think there has always been a part of me that has wanted to break away from the familiar. I am single and I have no children, so if I was ever to make a cross-country move, now seemed the best time to do it (here’s hoping that changes while I am here, hehe). Here’s the thing though; all of the reasons are supporting cast members of the starring role that was my Redding dream. Mount Everest could plant itself right in the middle of this small Northern California town and it would make no difference to me were it not for the thickness of the presence of God I feel here, specifically at Bethel Church. Honestly, it is not even about the church, it’s about the fact that I have never been anywhere so open to the Spirit of Lord; they expect it here. I want to say that I LOVE my home church in Massillon, Ohio – my dad is actually the pastor! So this is in no way meant to dishonor my home church or my dad, because I am so grateful for my church upbringing. I just did not grow up believing that I could access the Lord’s presence. During my childhood, adolescence, and even up to my first few years of college I thought accessing His presence was something we have to work really hard to do because we are sinners and therefore we have to earn the right for God to speak to us. I never spoke these beliefs out loud. In fact, I have often been the one to preach the theme most Christians have heard all their lives; that God loves us and wants a relationship with us. But the truth is that in the same breathe I would not have been able to explain what it means to “feel” His presence or even what it looks like to have a relationship with Him because I honestly did not know. This is what it looks like to believe in a religion without a relationship; you know all the right words but somehow it still leaves your heart wondering why they mean nothing.

Side note: I am a huge fan of the semicolon if you couldn’t tell

But during my first year in graduate school things changed for me. I went to Ashland Theological Seminary, which is an institution which heavily focuses (at least in my experience) upon spiritual formation, and this had a profound impact on the way I saw myself, the world, and God. In my first year I also met Em, one of the housemates in what is now being referred to as “The Ohio House,” out here in Redding because everyone who lives here is in fact from Ohio. Em has been in ministry with different branches of Bethel Church for a while, and she was the one who introduced me to a different God than whom I had been believing. Any of you who have met Em know what I am talking about. Her presence is radiant and peaceful, and she loves fiercely! She told me something one day that was a catalyst for my new experience with God. I asked her how it was that she seemed to believe in Him so easily, like He was with her all the time (weird, right)? Her response was “Every day I wake up and expect to encounter the Lord!” What followed from my mouth was, “You’re allowed to do that?”

And so this is the belief which surrounds Bethel’s ministry. They expect the Lord to show up. And He does. I could use up my entire blog to tell you all of the testimonies of people getting healing of arthritis, cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s (yes, Alzheimer’s!), blindness, and the list goes on! The church has a ministry called “The Healing Rooms” where people with physical illnesses can go to get prayed over every Saturday morning for healing. No, not everyone receives healing, but a lot of people do! It’s crazy. When I first heard about this I was super skeptical, if not completely offended. I mean, I know Jesus healed people, but He’s gone and now all we have is the Holy Spirit and He only shows up sometimes to tell you about all the sins you committing during the day. . . right? Wrongo. And that is not a typo, I just thought adding the “o” would add emphasis.

The senior pastor at Bethel is a man by the name of Bill Johnson, and the following is all sort of paraphrased from a sermon he gave, and this is what I will leave you with tonight: When Jesus was on the Earth it was commonly accepted that sickness was from the devil, and healing was from God. So when did Christians start believing that God gives us sickness to make us “better Christians,” and when healing takes place we need to be careful because it is probably the work of the devil? Just a thought.

Love recklessly. Cindy

So I have been living in Redding, California for about six weeks now, meaning I need to get you caught up!

I should tell you that I did know I had a place to live upon moving here, as well as people to live with (anyone who knows me well knows it would not be my favorite thing to not have people around me at least 76% of the time). My best friend Emilie, the one I came out here to visit in May, and the one to whom you can blame for having taken me from Ohio, found us a house to live in after only 27 tries! Oh, and by “us” I mean myself, Emilie (who you will only ever see me refer to as Em), Tim & Brit (their names will often go together because they are married), Ryan, and Michael. That is six people for those of you keeping track! Oh, and we cannot forget the other house member, a certain Pug named Leo. You will be hearing a lot about him! Em had a lot of difficulty finding a house because there were so many of us and we came with a pooch. Em was convinced that we would have to settle for a small, old house in a sketchy neighborhood, which we could have totally live in and would have been grateful for, but God gave us more than what we were expecting. Em happened to find a big house within our price range, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a HUGE kitchen (again, those that know me know how exciting this is!) and a view of the mountains! And so this is where we live, and it is probably nicer than any house I will live in ever again! God is so good.

Did I mention I had no job when I moved here? And I had no expectation of having one for a while. Redding has come across some serious economic decline and so it is very difficult to find jobs out here. I did not disclose this to my parents. I assumed I would be waitressing at the local Red Robin if they had any room for another server. And I would have felt lucky to have that job! Well, Red Robin did not have any room, but the fanciest, most awesome fine dining restaurant in Redding did! And they hired me. Four days after I moved here. Earning eight dollars an hour plus 25-50 dollars an hour in tips. And again, I say God is so good!

Oh, and I have no car. But what I do have is five housemates that have showered me with grace to share their cars with them, give me rides to work, and all with joy to be able to help me. Until I am in a place to get my own car this has been and will be an incredible blessing. It has been difficult for me to receive this gift from them sometimes, but I think that is part of my journey here; learning that I am significant enough to be given gifts.

Ok, this updates you on the logistics of being here. In future posts you will be seeing me talk a lot about Jesus and Bethel Church; the real reasons I am in Redding. I have had some crazy experiences even in the short time I have been here, and I cannot wait to share them with you!

Love to all! Love courageously. Cindy